This is just a rant, but I'm completely serious. Allow me to be open here for a minute. Lately I have found myself receiving all sorts of advice about becoming a parent from those that are either pregnant or have had a kid in the last five years or so. No, I'm not pregnant, but these (I'm sure well meaning) mothers feel that they should warn me of everything that I'll be in for if I decide to go the parenting route, and even have laughed at my face when I tell them David and I want a big family. Here is just a clip of the advice I've received:
1. You'll never have time for your husband. It's going to put such a strain on your relationship, so much that you won't even be glad to see him get home anymore except that atleast it'll be another pair of hands to help you with the kids.
My relationship with David is the most important thing in my life, so telling me that I'm going to risk losing him because of kids is surely the right thing to tell me, correct? Actually, I think this is the number one piece of advice I've been given that makes me reconsider if I even want to be a mom...EVER. It's not that I honestly think he'd leave, but you make it sound like I'm suddenly going to say "Get away from me, I don't want a hug. And fix your own d**n supper!" Did you really do that to your husband/significant other? What kind of relationship did you have before the baby?
2. Your body is going to do so many disgusting things during pregnancy (proceeds to name off just a few) and a baby completely wrecks it. You'll never look even close to good again.... But don't worry, it's worth it!
Let's stop right here for a moment, because that advice you just gave me sure didn't sound like you thought it was worth it. Infact, it seemed that you actually regret your choice. On the first part of that, just hold that advice until I'm going through it, and then tell me that I'm completely okay and there is nothing strange going on with me. On the second part, I realize it takes a while to recover, but I've seen moms in great shape that look wonderful after having their kids, so you can't tell me it can't be done, it just isn't an immediate normality.
3. You may think you want more than one kid, but trust me you'll change your mind. At one point in time we wanted a few, but that completely changed after the first one. Kids are hard to handle.
Yes, kids are hard to handle. Did you have some presumption otherwise? Did you never babysit, substitute teach, even be in the same room as a kid? They scream, throw things, break things, poop, rub said poop on everything, get sick so they projectile vomit everywhere, grab the family pet in just the wrong spot, and can basically turn your house into a scene from the end of Independence Day. That doesn't mean that I'm going to change my mind though. I might, but I also might have more of a grace for it than you. You can't predict what my experience will be like based on yours.
So that was just a sample, and I apologize for the rant, but I seriously don't think that people realize that they're "advice" may do more harm than good. They leave some of us awake at night wondering if they're making the right decisions. And for that matter, they make you sound like you hate being a parent. It doesn't even sound like advice most of the time. It sounds more like your the ghost on the road saying "Turn back, while you still can!" Then you end it with "but they are worth it." You have not convinced me of this statement based on your previous statements.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, you can give advice, but stop using the "You'll regret it!" message unless you truly mean that you regret it.
